|  | | The only way T.O. can make amends now is to follow Carson Daly's philosophy. (Source: AP) |
| "To make amends T.O. can first purchase a few truckloads of Chunky Soup just to appease Mom McNabb. Then Owens can spend the rest of the season voting McNabb into the Pro Bowl - it's not like he has anything else to do from now until February." |
At
this point there's only one person who can help Terrell Owens see the light and mend his troublesome ways. It's not Paul Tagliabue, it's not Donovan McNabb, it's not Andy Reid and it's certainly not his meddlesome agent Drew Rosenhaus. In fact the only person that can help T.O. understand and 'get it' at this point is an unlikely source but then again maybe an unconventional source exactly what's needed to deal with T.O. and his obnoxious behaviour. That person is none other than Carson Daly and his theory of Karma.
In fact I couldn't think of an appropriate athlete to rewrite all his wrongs ala Jason Lee's character in "My Name is Earl" than T.O. If you're not familiar with the show, Earl's character fins a winning lottery ticket only to be struck by a car seconds later. While recuperating in Hospital, Earl watches a Carson Daly interview where he explains that he lives his life with a Karma philosophy. Earl decides that the reason his life has been so bad is because of the way he mistreats people. So to reverse the negatives in his life he decides to draw up a list of all the people he's wronged and make peace with them.
Here's just a glimpse of what Owens' list may look like:
Act: Questioning Jeff Garcia sexuality
Solution: Hook Garcia up with a different set of cheerleaders in each visiting city over the course of a season. But perhaps T.O. can skip over introductions with the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders. Garcia's ex-girlfriend already had a penchant for getting into fights and you wouldn't want to expose Garcia to that again.
Act: Posing on the Cowboys midfield star emblem as a San Francisco 49er -the ultimate sign of disrespect.
Solution: Agree to help out a Cowboy alumni by offering to transport Nate Newton's next shipment.
Act: Mocking Ray Lewis during a TD celebration against the Ravens.
Solution: This one is quite simple - just suit up for a game against the Ravens when Ray Lewis is healthy and in the lineup and instruct the QB to throw you the ball on several short slant routes across the middle of the field; Ray will take care of the rest.
Act: Vetoing a trade to Baltimore before ultimately engineering a move to Philadelphia.
Solution: I suppose this is an addition by subtraction situation. By not showing up to Baltimore in the first place he saved the Ravens from an eventual controversy. Just think, if he wasn't the biggest booster of Donovan McNabb's abilities just imagine the PR headaches T.O. would have caused by blasting Kyle Boller and Anthony Wright.
Act: Outrageous TD Celebrations (The Sharpie, The Pom-Pom's, The Ab Crunches, The Waiter, etc)
Solution: Many including myself actually enjoyed some of these celebrations. The Sharpie was obviously the most classic one. After proceeding to fend off the coverage of former Seahawks CB Shawn Springs and make the grab T.O. signed the ball with a Sharpie he hid in his sock and then handed it to his financial advisor who was sitting in Shawn Springs private luxury suite. To those who were offended with the over the top celebrations perhaps T.O. can make amends by appealing to Commissioner Tagliabue to further crackdown on excessive celebrations. By doing this Owens can rid the league and all of us of every having to watching the NFL's worst TD celebration: Daunte Culpepper's "Rollin" Let's just say that Culpepper's celebration is harder to watch than Patrick Lalime's impression of a goalie for the St. Louis Blues.
Act: Wearing a Michael Irvin jersey after an Eagles blowout loss to the Dallas Cowboys.
Solution: To make amends Owens can agree to the type of bet that mayors make when their local teams hook-up in a playoff series or championship and wear the opposing team's jersey after every loss.
Act: Offending people with the MNF/Desperate Housewives sketch
Solution: I don't blame T.O. for this one at all. This was ABC's idea all the way. Perhaps ABC is the one that needs to make amends for trying to portray Nicolette Sheridan as sexy. The last time someone was so poorly miscast for a role was when the Toronto Raptors drafted Rafael Arrajuo to be an NBA player.
Act: Questioning Donovan McNabb's abilities countless times by commenting about his performance in the Super Bowl and endorsing the talents of Brett Favre and Peyton Manning.
Solution: To make amends T.O. can first purchase a few truckloads of Chunky Soup just to appease Mom McNabb. Then Owens can spend the rest of the season voting McNabb into the Pro Bowl - it's not like he has anything else to do from now until February.
Act: Demanding a new deal from the Eagles Organization a year after signing a 7yr $49M deal. This issue was the biggest bone of contention between the Eagles and T.O. and created the greatest amount of animosity amongst fans so this will take a big act to redeem himself.
Solution: Terrell can start by extending a big olive branch by promising to never hold another press conference or expose us to Drew Rosehaus. T.O. can follow-up that kind gesture by appeasing a lot of Eagles fans by dressing up like Santa Claus and allowing them to serenade him with a chorus of boos and a Philly special: being pelted with batteries.
You just know that one of the NFL's remaining 31 GMs will take a chance on T.O. for next season and hope that they can reel him in. But if they're smart they'll ask to see Owens' completed list before they sign him.
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