Spain deservedly won Euro 2008 and in the process they removed their underachiever label in major soccer tournaments.

Why only eight things I loved about the Euros soccer tournament? I don’t know it’s Euro 2008, there’s a record number of c-sections planned in China on 8/8/08, having a top-10 list would be as common of an occurrence as hearing a Linkin Park song where one guy screams and the other guy raps.  Spain rightfully prevailed in a scintillating final over Germany that satisfyingly capped off a brilliant tournament. The Spaniards’ offensive brilliance finally lived up to its billing in a major soccer tournament and they were able to display their accurate and forward moving passing and excellence in finishing for an entire tournament. Without any further adieu here are my favourite observations from the three week-long Austria and Switzerland hosted futbol tournament. 

1. Witnessing some of the greatest and most conditioned athletes in the world with a Paul Pierce pain threshold. I love that these are the same players that can subject themselves to getting their bodies adorned with numerous painful tattoos but yet roll around on the ground and flop like Vlade Divac and Dominik Hasek for phantom challenges.  Just as an aside going back to NBA Finals MVP Paul Pierce, this is the same guy who got stabbed 11 times a month prior to the 2000-01 season and didn’t miss a game. He sprains his knee in Game 1 of the Finals against the Lakers and he’s carried of the court in emasculating fashion by several people, and then pushed around in a wheelchair in the tunnel before returning to the game shortly after, perfectly fine.

2. Patriotism Schmatriosim: When you see the level of passion, country-pride and hooliganism this type of tournament can stir up, you wonder how it’s conceivable for a player to decide to suit up for a country that is responsible for the largest atrocity in modern civilization against his own birth country. Miroslav Klose and Lukas Podoloski, Polish-born strikers with Polish ancestry, and Polish families have opted to represent Germany for their international soccer; somehow I can’t see a Palestinian lacing up their boots to go play for Israel. The Polish pair who call Germany home were instrumental in leading Deutschland past Poland with Podolski scoring twice. Apparently conflicted with emotions Podolski went out of his way to not celebrate exuberantly against Poland. Oddly for me Podloski’s mixed feelings conjures up an episode of The Simpsons, where Homer is torn up about the death of his pet Lobster ‘Pinchy” but yet still proceeds to eat his former friend all while weeping.

While were on the note of Poland you have to love that a guy named Roger Guerreiro born in Brazil and had his citizenship papers expedited scored the lone goal of the tourney for Poland. Isn’t this a novel idea for struggling soccer nations to kick some life back into their national programs by offering citizenships to any Brazilian or Argentinean player that isn’t quite good enough to make their own national programs but still represents a terrific upgrade?

3. Those British Announcers: If weren’t for the character and game calling of these Brit announcers more games would be a bore to watch in the same vein as the Italy-Spain quarterfinal dud. Here’s an actual description of the Czech head coach during one of the games, “Just look at Karel Bruckner with his craggily face, he looks like a benevolent grandfather.” When German striker Miroslav Klose took a kick to the groin in the final, announcer John Helm so eloquently explained, “The boot found his nether regions. Every male watching this is wincing right now.”

The other thing I love apart from all the Brit-speak that we heard is that rather than describing a scoring chance some of the announcers would simply raise their voices and simply call out the player’s name. So for example a normal description like “Luca Toni makes a good first touch, cuts around the defender and blasts a left footed shot at the far post” would be replaced by “Toni!!!!”

4. Unabashed throwing of teammates under the bus. At times it can be like watching 22 Kobe Bryant’s on the field at once. Soccer players are horrible for hiding their disgust with their teammates; just watch any sequence where a teammate fails to make a pass or connect on a quality chance.

The goalies are equally as bad for admonishing their teammates on the field. A goalie will blow a gasket on their defenders when they actually have to face a shot. This absolutely cracks me up; their only job is to make saves and yet when a shot makes it through on net they look incredulously at everyone for allowing such a despicable act to happen.

5. The names of the tourney. When you have the likes of a Bastian Schweinsteiger, who’s last name roughly translates to mean Pig Farmer and Mario Gomez (a Spaniard-German) on the same German team, you realize what an interesting tournament this was for names.  Czech Republic not Poland had a player by the name of Jan Polak. The Austrian fans had Christian Fuchs name to yell out in frustration when the host nation failed to move past the 1^st round. Between Croatian midfielder Niko Kovac and Croatian Head Coach Slaven Bilic, I think we found our inspiration for the main character’s name in GTA IV. But easily my favourite name of Euro 2008 goes to Dutch forward Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink, whose last name couldn’t be more geographically specific unless he also added his street address in there.

Euro 2008 also delivered a significant list of Lindsay Hunter All-Stars (male athletes that sound like hot women) that would make the Sports Guy proud: Andrea Pirlo, Robin Van Persie, Daniele De Rossi, Gigi Buffon, Kim Kallstrom, Simone Perrota

6. That music after every goal. It’s truly hilarious to me that a club track is played after every goal. Upon hearing it for the first time it seems more out of place than a recovering alcoholic signing up to be on MTV’s the Real World and then being surprised that there’s temptation to drink.  Apparently the song is ‘Samba e Gol’ by Bellini out of Brazil. Maybe the tune was chosen to help Roger Guerreiro and the other 5 Brazilian born players in this tournament feel at home.

7. The Cardiac Kids: Turkey was an absolute phenomenon and joy to watch in this tournament. The spunky Turks battled back from near elimination numerous times before ironically falling in the semifinals against Germany to a last minute goal. The Turks remarkable comeback run started in their second group stage game when they tallied the go ahead a goal in the 92^nd minute to upend Switzerland. Their journey next included a stirring and instant classic comeback over the Czech Republic in their final group stage game which saw them climb back from a 2-0 deficit with three tallies in the 2^nd half, two of the goals coming in the 88^th and 90^th minutes to vault them into the round of 8. With a match-up against Croatia in the knockout stage, Turkey delivered a third stirring comeback. After a scoreless opening 90 minutes the game went to extra time and with just minutes remaining in extras Croatia scored in the 119^th minute, but Turkey answered back three minutes later and triumphed in the 3-1 in penalty kicks.

Perhaps most remarkably through approximately 500 minutes of play Turkey led for only about 10 minutes over the course of their entire tourney life, yet they narrowly missed out in being in the final. Their memorable Euro 2008 performance will stand the test of time as one of the most thrilling Cinderella runs of all-time.

8. The Orange Crush

The Dutch were an absolute revelation in the round robin stage scoring 9 goals and only conceding one in their opening three games. Their impressive start included manhandling Italy 3-0 and a 4-1 drubbing they laid down on France. Sadly Netherlands ended up losing their opening knockout stage against Russia in extra time ending the ride for the most exciting team of the tournament while they were in it. It was a joy while it lasted to see the likes of Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Van Persie, Dirk Kuyt, Wesley Sneijder and Arjen Robben work their magic. And yes I do realize that last sentence sounded like the type of hockey analysis Pierre McGuire usually gives. You ever notice that about McGuire, every time he’s asked his thoughts about a NHL club he just lists everyone player on the roster?

I can’t wait until 2010 for the next major soccer tourney to be played, the World Cup in South Africa.