Who are you wearing?

By: Patryk Fournier

So tell us, who are you wearing? The most common question of any award show can now be posed to all sports fans with all the recent slew of changes to uniforms and jerseys. Teams are now looking at any opportunity to come out with a secondary logo or third jersey. In the mid 90's third jerseys were introduced into the NHL by a handful of teams. Once teams realized that fans were eager to scoop up the new look, a new trend was born. Now virtually every team has a third jersey look, some good and some bad. Last season the Nashville Predators introduced their third jersey, which bares the most god-awful shade of yellowish-green you have ever seen. The marketing brain trust in Nashville apparently thought fans would be out in droves buying these hideous garments. The decision on colour baffles me almost as much as what the referees are actually doing in NFL replay booths. We've all seen a play that has been challenged and after viewing the replay given by the TV broadcast it's painfully obvious to both the announcers and yourself what the correct call should be. When a play is this obvious what does the referee do in that booth for so long? Does the booth have cable? Is he watching other games? Is he just flipping through channels?

The retro look has become a new trend by teams and a style worn by every rapper. MLB was prominent in bringing the retro look back by having teams like Atlanta, Philadelphia, Oakland and the Mets wear their throwback threads. Watch any MTV awards program or music video and you'll see plenty of people sporting Astros and Padres looks from a few decades ago. Apparently the more unbelievable the jersey design or combination of hideous colours the more people want to have one. As a Buccaneers fan am I to expect that the old peach coloured jerseys will be the next popular one to return? If you haven't seen the old Bucs jersey it's usually a colour that's reserved for the fabric of bad bridesmaid dresses. On the plus side, finally those holders of Alvin Harper jerseys will be able to wear them proudly.

Buying a jersey of your favourite player can be a risky proposition simply for the reason that you're banking on that player's particular performance and status with the team. What happens if the player gets traded or turns into a bust? All those Ryan Leaf fans know what I'm talking about. Buying a Lemieux, Yzerman or Favre jersey is a low risk situation because those players are all great and will remain with their teams until retirement. Buying other players jersey's can be slightly riskier; you must scout the player before making a purchase. How many years does the player have on his contract? Is he possible trade bait? Can he sustain his great play? The last question is particularly important. You don't want to buy the jersey of a one-year wonder (i.e. Brady Anderson's 50 home run season, Gary Leeman's 50 goal year, John Druce's famous playoff performance, and Jamal Anderson's Dirty Bird Super Bowl season). Making a poor decision about a jersey and then having to wear that jersey in public is more awkward than having to pay with a debit card at a restaurant. When paying with a debit card you follow the waiter/waitress to the "debit card booth" and they ask you that all important question; "Would you like to add anything to the total for the tip?" If you say yes then you're forced to do the mental calculation and come up with a total that doesn't make you look too cheap. If you say no then they give you that look like, "Great I'm gonna get all your pocket change as my tip". It's a no win situation.

I'm really hoping that tight short-length basketball shorts won't return. As much as I would like to see John Stockton viewed as a fashion icon, the sight of seeing guys like Oliver Miller and Robert Traylor running the floor in those shorts is enough to make even the strongest stomached person sick. Another trend that I hope does not come back is the Foam N' Mesh cap. Although it does seem like the perfect time for these hideous hats to come back with the recent slew of ugly retro gear becoming trendy. Caps have made a tremendous evolutionary movement away from this horrible headgear to what we know them as today. Fitted caps are the most comfortable and stylish type of cap. New Era, the leading maker of fitted caps has tried to make consumers understand that they wish to distance themselves as far as possible away from the Foam N' Mesh cap. Apparently the old era was so bad that New Era was born.

(Editor's Note: I wrote this commentary before the Super Bowl and much to my chagrin Foam n' Mesh caps have come back. Many players were seen sporting the caps during hype week and after the game. This is getting eerie. It seems like whatever I write happens. Tampa won the Super Bowl, Foam n' Mesh caps came back. Let's explore this theory. I hope I get to attend Roy Jones Jr's fight in March, all the major media outlets offer me lucrative contracts to go and write for them and the Hull Casino opens up a Sports book, which supplements my income nicely. There, the challenge has been laid down.)

I have to run, time for me to head out to the store and buy an orange pylon coloured Islanders third jersey, a pair of Chuck Taylor converse shoes and a George Bell throwback Blue Jays jersey.

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