The proper reaction to this dunk: Amare must have a fever because that was sick!

Whether you're the girlfriend of a sports obsessed boyfriend or a guy who embarrassingly knows very little about sports I have created the guide to sounding like a knowledgeable sports fan. This guide will allow you to fit seamlessly into any sports conversation, sports viewing or sports event. Since it takes years of gathering useless sports information to truly sound like a knowledgeable sports fan I have developed a short cut technique. Remember, we're striving to make you SOUND like a knowledgeable sports fan.

Things to do during a sporting event:

In hockey whenever the home team has a power play and their passing too much, yell "Shoot" repeatedly until the team actually listens and takes a shot on net.

	Boo's parents knew his name would payoff in the long run.

Know that certain players have their names chanted during games while they're in possession of the ball, puck or just the focus during a play. The reason these players have their names chanted is a) because of their popularity b) because their name is short and sounds good being chanted by thousands of people. These players are as follow: Luc Robitaille of the Detroit Red Wings (yell Luuuuuuuuuuuuuc), Hall of Fame Sniper Guy Lafleur (yell Geeeeeeeeeeee), Pittsburgh Penguins goalie Johan Hedberg (yell Mooooooooose), St. Louis Rams WR Isaac Bruce (yell Bruuuuuuuuuuce), Philadelphia Eagles RB Duce Staley and New Orleans Saints RB Deuce McAllister (yell Duuuuuuuuuce) and quite possibly the best name to chant is that of New Orleans Saints TE Boo Williams (yell Boooooooooooo).

When attending a basketball game in which someone throws down an incredible dunk or an impossible shot, use the word 'sick' to describe the shot or the player. Ex. after watching Kobe Bryant's baseline dunk over Yao Ming you would say, "Someone needs to get Kobe some Nyquil because he is sick".

When a ref makes a bad call at a game against the home team use all the cliché jokes: I've seen better refs at footlocker, go back to Lens Crafters, or some obscenity laced zebra comment.

Know the time increments used in each sport. For example know that hockey has 3 periods, football and basketball have 4 quarters and baseball has 9 innings. Not knowing this will completely blow your cover as a sports fan.

Know the proper teams of well-known players. Jerry Rice is an Oakland Raider not a 49er. Eric Lindros is a Ranger not a Flyer. Michael Jordan is a Wizard not a Bull.

Things to say during a sports conversation:

When the topic is the NHL just mention "Things won't improve until a new CBA is hammered out in 2004 and they should look at contracting some of these new teams that have watered down the overall product of the league".

When the topic of conversation is NFL defenses just mention "Cover 2" and you'll have everyone around you believing that you know what you're talking about.

When talking about hockey, never ever refer to it as ICE hockey. You won't lose people by simply saying hockey.

You should know the abbreviations of more well know sports teams and use them during conversation. So instead of calling the Super Bowl Champions the Buccaneers you would simply call them the Bucs. Saying something like: "How about those Tampa Bay Buccaneers?" sounds fake. You might as well say " How about that game of professional football played by those athletes in equipment?"

Know the proper pronunciation of players. You can definitely blow your cover as a knowledgeable sports fan by messing this one up. It's Jarome Iginla (A-gyn-la) not I-gin (as in the drink)- la. When you pronounce Vincent Lecavalier's last name you shouldn't make people think your talking about a Chevy car. When in doubt and you can't pronounce a players name like Packers DE Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila just call him by a nickname for instance "KGB".

If you get stuck trying to remember different players' nicknames here's a useful tip. Most NBA nicknames are comprised of using the first letter of the first name in conjunction with 3 or 4 letters of the last name. So Chris Webber is CWebb, Tracy McGrady is T-Mac, Jason Kidd is J-Kidd, Kenyon Martin is K-Mart. Do you see the pattern? In hockey most players nicknames are comprised of a first or last name with an added "y" or "ie". Brendan Shanahan is Shanny, Steve Yzerman is Stevie, Doug Gilmour is Dougie and so on.

So that's your quick guide to sounding like a knowledgeable sports fan. Use it at work, school, dinner parties and of course all sports functions and you'll fit in just perfectly.